Ask Us
by Just Another Believer
Summary: Send letters to your favorite LOTF characters! That's about it...
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: Hey, bitches! So, I won't ramble on about this, I'll just start the story. I wanted to note that yes, I am still working on What Happened on the Island, so no worries, and that I own nothing of Lord of the Flies. Now read.**

Ralph: Holla, peeps!

Roger: It's hola, dumbass, stop trying to be cool.

Ralph: Well, someone's in a bad mood.

Roger: I've been in a bad mood for the past thirteen years, pretty boy. Get over it. And besides, we're off topic.

Ralph: Right. I'll just turn things over to Piggy. Take it away, man!

Piggy: I have a name, you know.

Roger: Yes, but you allow us to call you Piggy, which is ever so much more mean than whatever saint name the government calls you.

Piggy: Roger, stop talking go find your fellow nut jobs, Jack and Maurice.

_Roger walks away, flipping them the bird as he goes._

Piggy: Okay, so I bet you're wondering why you're reading this. We're here to answer all of your questions about us. You can ask us anything: what happened on that island, our lives before or after that, etc. Once Roger finds them, Jack and Maurice will be here, too. Same with the twins. You can direct your questions or comments to us and we'll answer them as best as we can.

Ralph: Thanks for explaining, Piggy. Send us your letters as soon as possible. Bye!


	2. Chapter 2

_Response to Eric Cartman Forever's Letter_

Ralph: We're back, fangirls-

Jack: Please, I probably have twice as many fangirls as you do.

Ralph: _Glares at Jack, then says, _-with the snarky added company of two of the pyschos who tried to kill me: Maurice and Jack!

Maurice: Hey, it wasn't my idea! I was Jack's.

Roger: Actually, it was _my_ idea. Jack just wanted to keep Ralph prisoner at first. I was the one who convinced Jack to kill him.

Ralph: _Clears throat, then continues,_ Er, okay, so like I was saying, we're back with two new additions.

Sam: Don't forget-

Eric: about us!

Ralph: Oh yeah, and the twins are here too.

Roger: Big whoop.

Simon: You guys forgot about me!

Ralph: Since when were you here, Simon?

Simon: Since this whole thing started!

Ralph: Oh, sorry. I guess I didn't see you.

Roger: Ugh. Another twit. Get lost, Simon! You're a pansy and no one likes you.

Piggy: Roger, your insults are getting wimpy.

Roger: Shut up, fatty! I have a rock with your name on it!

Piggy: Shutting up…

Jack: Enough of this. I want to see the letter! It's probably a love note for me.

Ralph: Piggy, please read it.

Piggy: Okay. It says: I have a question for Ralph, how do\did you manage to keep up your leadership skills when things got tough on the island? –Eric Cartman Forever

Jack: WHAT? Fatty, you must be reading it wrong. Who wastes a letter of RALPH?

Maurice: At least you can expect letters. I never get any!

Roger: Yeah, and your mail usually isn't comprised of death threats and hate messages.

Ralph: Will you all STOP WHINING and let me read my letter!

Jack: Fine.

Ralph: Well, ECF, it was hard keeping up my authority after Jack formed his own tribe. The people who were left on my side after that either all got killed or tortured into joining the hunters. So, when you think about it, I didn't really do much actual leading after that. Does that answer your question?

Jack: I hope it does, I want the next letter to be about ME.

Roger: Shut UP, Jack.

Maurice: We'll see you all later. Keep sending us letters. Bye!


	3. Chapter 3

_Simon_

**Author's Note: I know, it's been too long since I posted. But tonight, I will probably finish this story, once and for all! So, here's how it's going to work from now on: Each character will have their own chapter to respond to their mail. This is the first chapter, which obviously belongs to Simon. This is an awkward note, so I'll just go…**

Hi, guys! It's me, Simon. Thanks for all of your letters, they made me happy. Here goes!

Painting Politics and Poland: I'm fine, thanks. I appreciate that you didn't leave me out of your letter, but should I be offended that you didn't ask me anything else? Oh, well…

windsurfergirl: Um, thanks, I guess. *blushes* No matter how many times people call me adorable, I don't think I'll ever be used to it.

Wolfeyedgymnast: I listen to classical music and some David Guetta stuff, but mostly classical. I live in Bath, which is just outside of London (which is where our school is). It's cool talking to you, too!

All-uu-need-is-love: I love you too, I guess… but not like that! In a friendly, I don't know you way. Wow, that sounded stalkerish. Anyway, I don't really have any favorite bands, unless the London Pops Orchestra counts as a band.

Again, thanks for your letters! I really liked reading them, even if some of them were a little awkward. Bye!

**Author's Note: Hey! So, how was that? One thing I forgot to mention: please don't post anymore questions for the boys on this story; sorry if this is inconvenient. Bye!**


	4. Chapter 4

_Ralph_

**Author's Note: *sigh* Just read the freakin' chapter.**

Hello! Well, this should be fun. I got so many letters from you all; thanks! Let's get down to business… to defeat the Huns… sorry, I couldn't resist!

Wolfeyedgymnast: I live in London; I like to listen to pop like Usher. Yes, even in the UK we know who that is! It's nice talking to you, too.

Lauren: My life before the island was pretty awesome. I was on wrestling team, I had a girlfriend (she left me after I got back… tear), and stuff like that. We used to live in a townhouse but had to move to a flat because of the war. I went to the same school all the others did, but I wasn't in the choir because I was too busy with wrestling; also because Roger beat me up enough in wrestling, I didn't want to give him another excuse.

Painting Politics and Poland: Well, I wasn't ever super close to Jack, but we hung out every now and again. I didn't have a problem until he let the fire go out, split up the tribe, killed Piggy and Simon and tried to kill me. He would've gotten away with it too, if not for that conveniently located naval officer.

Windsurfergirl: I like wrestling, rugby, football (soccer for you Americans) and cricket. Yes, cricket; don't judge me!

AzmariaHarmony: I'm 5' 7''. The five tallest of us are me, Jack, Roger, Maurice and Robert. Why do you ask? *panics* You don't drive a white van, do you?

All-uu-need-is-love: *frowns* Ralphie boy. Because no one has ever called be that before. Ever. *smiles again* I already said which sports I play; I guess you might call me a jock, but I'm not dumb. Sometimes, I just need a little guidance. Jack and I were never more than sort-of friends, and we never will be; same with all of the other guys. I don't like the slash fics, they make me feel awkward. The Mary Sue fics aren't too bad, but I like it more when there's a girl who's not too much of a Mary Sue. *coughs uncomfortably* I don't really know how to respond to that last comment.


End file.
